Dracula’s spawn live here. Little blood sucking creatures sent from the depths of hell to torture us ‘till insanity. They’re not just after a drop or two here and there. These tiny Thai mosquitoes are evil, and they’re out to suck us dry. I knew they were going to be bad. Having grown up in South Africa, I’ve been the victim of the little beasts’ bites before. So I came prepared, with bags loaded with Peaceful Sleep, Rub Away, Patches, trendy Bangles that make you look like you’re an avid supporter of a charity, even a nifty little clicker device that’s supposedly meant to ‘shock’ the itch out of the bite. You name it. I packed it.
Well, all I can say now is what a waste of backpack weight. Why? I’ll tell you why...
It was our very first evening in Thailand. We decided to enjoy it sitting on our veranda with a much anticipated, ice-cold Tiger beer. Before doing so, I made sure we did the necessary repellent application - on the ankles, behind the knees, the back of the neck and the arms. Light, but thorough, just like the bottle said.
No sooner had I sat down than the first bite appeared. Small, red, and perfectly round slap bang in the middle of my calf. I put it down to the little bugger’s stealth. He must have got me before I applied the ‘Natural Rub Away with added Citronella Extract’. Or so I thought, until another one appeared, and then another, and another, all within seconds of each other.
Obviously my weapon of choice wasn’t strong enough to ward off this little troop of nasties. So I put one of our super stylish repellent bangles to the test. But its ‘pleasant smelling, insect repelling vapours’ proved more of an attraction to the little suckers. I should have seen it from the start. The thing looked too good to be effective. So I grabbed a patch. But it was useless. They were everywhere. Their bites were everywhere. And by then it was clear I was under attack.
Half an hour later and I was in a state of frenzy. My body was one big itch. My two hands torn between scratching, lathering, shocking and squashing. But still they came, like little kamikaze pilots, their sights locked on any piece of skin that didn’t already resemble a piece of bubble wrap. And there I sat, a lone soldier fighting a war that had been declared on me.
Something had to be done.
So I started lathering myself in every form of repellent we had. Until every piece exposed flesh was covered, and then recovered with one or another rub on stick, cream or spray. I kept at it until it stunk so bad I didn’t want to be near myself. The only place I didn’t apply the stuff to, for fear of actually blinding myself, was my eyelids.
Where did the little sucker bite me? You guessed it, my eye lid.
It sucked the blood from the only piece of flesh that protects my precious eyes from the hostilities of the outside world, and I didn’t even see the damn thing coming. It was the itch that first drew my attention to it. A little irritating itch. And then it began to swell. And it kept on swelling until it became the size of gross. The size you don’t want to look at but you just can’t help yourself.
And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, they struck again, their target this time, my ear. Not the soft dangly lobe, no, inside the hard little pointy-outy bit right before the hole.
That’s when I knew I had no choice but to surrender and retreat to the air-coned, mosquito-free indoors.
I had lost the battle. But I am here for a year, so the war will continue, and victory will be mine.
You just wait and see.
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